|is it so hard to believe what you do to me?
||[Apr. 13th, 2007|05:34 pm]
|||||lillingtons - lost my marbles||]|
my future is looking bleak
it's been brought to my attention that something i love very much and something that i rely on daily could be ruined. and i already know, it's all in my head. but i can't seem to stop torturing myself. these days, all i do is wonder about that day. the day that everything falls apart and i'm left to start over. no matter how many times in my life i've started over, i think this may be the most difficult to pick myself back up from. what can i do to stop it? well, my immediate thought was "absolutely nothing" because there really is nothing i can do. my only solution involves me and no one else. i can't change what's going to happen in other people's lives but i can change mine. and maybe i should just try not caring. but then i have to ask myself, "can i really just not care about this?" there are many things i can ignore, but that's because those things aren't important to me.
i just can't wait until i'm out of that school and none of this petty bullshit can phase me. these people (and one person in particular) that now have the potential to ruin my life will no longer matter when i never have to see them again. they can do whatever they want, and it won't affect me. i just hope that when the day comes, i'm far away and oblivious. what i don't know can't hurt me, right?